Dealing With a Break Up

Hey guys!

So today I will be talking about breakups…..

Ugh!!!! Those are the worstttt!!!!!

So recently,

My ex dumped me (tear, tear)

And it has been super duper hard.

I spent a week trying to convince him to get back with me,  (desperate),

But then I realized that he wanted to go, and that it truly was not me, it was him and his own choice. I realized that it had nothing to do with me being a bad person, or not being a good enough person, But it was his own choice to not choose me. And that’s okay!!

People change, and when hard times come, they either stay or leave, and that’s okay.

I realized that I have no power of the situation, but I do have power over me.

It was the worst few weeks of my life!

We were together for almost a year.

I thought we were gonna get married (we did plan this).

I thought he was my future.

But then, I get betrayed!!!! Within is span of a month, I saw him emotionally distancing himself from me, and cutting me off! He told me he would rather be single than put up with my toxic bullshit. 

I realized he was just finding any excuse to not be with me, because if he really did want this, he would’ve stayed and fought for me.

This relationship did teach me a lot of things, and I am grateful for him, and all he did for me, but now he’s gone, and I must accept that.

He hurt me, I hurt him, but he was not willing to forgive me, and that was his choice.

What was up to me though, was to either forgive him and move forward, or stay stuck in the past and hate him.

So, I chose to start the process of moving forward. Yayyyyy!!!!!

I did not want to stay in the past, because moving forward is the best thing for us as humans.

The first thing I did, was feel every emotion every time it came. One second, I would remember those happy memories of us, and then boom!, it would hit me, the sadness of his absence. I would cry and cry and cry.

I learned to accept the fact that he was gone. It hurt me like a thousand knives in my body. But facing the pain, is the best way to move forward. 

I took a week to myself, and I would just sit in bed and watch tv shows and binge on snacks (not healthy), but it helped to get it off my mind. I also had strong urges to hurt myself and to chain smoke. (I smoked two packets in less than two days.)

Then I started talking to my friends and telling them about it! I have really good friends that helped talk It through, and helped me process the whole situation.

I realized that I was unhealthily attached to my ex. I felt like I could not live without him. 

It was killing me that he put a wall between us and suddenly left. I felt my whole world was shaken.

I contacted my therapist, and he helped me this things through. I was in a high emotional state and all I could think of was contacting my ex, and begging him to come back.

My therapist helped me realize, that what I was doing was an act of my emotional state, and that I do not actually need him. Yes, I love him, But he chose to not be with me. The best thing for me to do was move forward, without him.

My therapist taught me that I need to become whole in myself. I was holding on to my ex in an unhealthy way, not accepting him gone. I would need to learn how to be stable in myself, so that no matter what happened around me, it wouldn’t crash my whole world down, because my world would be stable inside.

It’s important to focus on yourself during this time of moving forward.

I started practicing mindfulness, and would do it every night before sleeping.

This helped me to stay more present in the moment, rather than looking back in the past.

I also acknowledged and observed every thought of him, without reacting or impulsively acting on it. Every time he would come in my head, instead of trying to force myself to not think of him, I sat back and observed it and then it went on its own. 

Now the thought of him comes, but it hardly makes me want to hurt myself, or to cry, or anything of the matter. 

I also deleted every memory of him. I deleted all of the photos, I blocked him everywhere, and I removed any thing that would bring him up. 

I would think of him, and then I would let him go in my mind. The pain would arise at the start, but then eventually, it started to go. 

I started living for myself. I wrote more, exercised, ate food that I liked, and talked to my friends. I learned to live without him.

Here is a summarization of what I learned.

The most important things to do in a breakup is to:

1: Remove anything that reminds you of them.

2: Accept what happened.

3: Feel every emotion that comes, and let it go.

4: Forgive what they did, and forgive yourself.

5: Meditate.

6: Do things that will help you to love yourself, and that will make you happy.

I understand that it’s a very hard time for people going through a breakup. For me, it felt like the world was ending. It’s a part of life, and instead of holding a grudge and hardening your heart, learn to accept the past, forgive, and learn from what it taught you. 

You will get through this, and I encourage you to take one day at a time!

Cheers!!